≡ Menu

INTJ ENFP Relationships: A Match Made In Heaven?


Let’s face it: dating and relationships can be difficult areas for INTJs.

We find social situations draining and sometimes hard to endure.

What if there was a personality type that was the perfect match for you?

That special person who is strong where you are weak, and just the right number of personality characteristics to match yours?

As an INTJ, you need to know about how an INTJ ENFP relationship could be the most meaningful thing to ever happen to you.

But first, we need to understand why finding an ENFP partner could change your life forever.

Do Opposites Attract? Or Do Like-Minded People Attract Each Other?

do opposites attract

My opinion: both.

Let me explain why.

The dominant function of both an INTJ and an ENFP is Intuition, Introverted and Extraverted respectively.

This allows both to come together in a way where they can easily understand each other, because they fundamentally perceive the world in the same intuitive way.

The auxiliary and tertiary functions are also shared, albeit in a separate order.

The INTJ will be more aware of their preference for patterns, logic and structure, whereas the ENFP will be more in touch with their feelings and emotions.

This is where the magic happens.

Both INTJ and ENFP have the same deep perception of life and reality, but they deal with their perceptions in similar ways, with a slighter greater or lesser focus on emotions and reason.

This will often lead to intense, natural chemistry, and long, intellectual, rambling conversations.

The INTJ approaches with their focus on depth of a particular subject, while the ENFP applies their broad understanding of other areas, seemingly tangentially related.

This complimentary dynamic carries over into other areas of the relationship.

INTJs can experience socializing as a tiring, meaningless, and sometimes hard to appreciate series of rituals.

An INTJ would much rather stay home or spend time with a smaller amount of people in a more quiet environment.

Here, an ENFP can help to bring the INTJ out of their shell, and encourage them to get out more.

Regardless of our preferences, we are social animals, and INTJs know this deep down.

A loving ENFP can introduce this world of social interaction to the INTJ in a caring, encouraging way, allowing them to experience the benefits of developing new relationships and networking.

The breadth of topics on which an ENFP can talk can seem overwhelming during a conversation with an INTJ. This is where the INTJ can assist.

The ENFP can gain structure and an understanding of how to apply logic and rationale when the INTJ offers their insight into the topic at hand.

This can benefit the ENFP hugely, creating order out of what sometimes amounts to chaos in the mind of the passionate and overflowing mind of the ENFP.

Spontaneity vs. Structure

Spontaneity vs. Structure

The appeal of an ENFP to an INTJ lies in their exciting, open-minded, spontaneous and care-free attitude.

However, at first appearances the ENFP can appear as somewhat of an enigma, and this mystery is what can cause a deep initial attraction in the INTJ.

The indirect, people-oriented approach of the ENFP can puzzle the direct and logic-minded INTJ.

It might only be later in the relationship that the INTJ can really grasp who the ENFP truly is, and this enduring uncertainty creates intense interest in the calculating mind of the INTJ.

If there is one thing that is lacking in the structured life of the INTJ – it is spontaneity.

And what is missing in the life of the ENFP?

You guessed it: structure.

What makes the ENFP mysterious to the INTJ is something similar: first appearances can be misleading.

An ENFP may be quick to dismiss an INTJ based on their reserved, aloof demeanor, but a closer inspection reveals a strong, grounded analyst who has their life organized and has a depth of character that is rare.

The ENFP knows deep down that a sense of structure and coherence is often lacking in their life, and they sense salvation in the methodical nature of the INTJ.

With the care and attention that the INTJ loves to give while teaching and helping those whom they love and value, the ENFP can learn to understand how the INTJ thinks and can absorb the fundamentals of planning and structuring.

Each passing day that the ENFP spends with the INTJ brings new discoveries and can bring what seems like a never-ending adventure.

The depth of the INTJ is so attractive to the mind and spirit of the ENFP.

INTJ ENFP Relationship Pitfalls

INTJ ENFP Relationships Pitfalls

So what’s the catch?

Is this truly a match made in heaven?

The key here is balance.

The chemistry that holds the INTJ and ENFP together is intense but delicate.

Everybody knows that compromise is important in a relationship.

If either partner is too dependent on their need for solitude or socializing, friction will result and a major weakness in the dynamics of these personalities will expose itself.


Already, we have seen that the ENFP is more in touch with their feelings and emotions.

They tend to want to speak their thoughts aloud as a way of processing and dealing with some of life’s difficulties. Feeling understood is critical for an ENFP.

Conversely, the INTJ is more likely to process their emotions internally, and reflect quietly on their problems. This sense of personal independence is highly valued by the INTJ.

This fundamental difference in dealing with personal problems can be the undoing of an INTJ ENFP relationship.

If the ENFP cannot give the INTJ the space they need, and if the INTJ cannot make the effort to listen to and understand the thoughts of the ENFP, the relationship will break down.

By understanding that a certain amount of compromise is necessary, and by being willing to learn and adapt to the needs of their partner, the INTJ ENFP relationship can endure and grow with every passing year.

What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an ENFP? Share your comments below.

P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.

You can learn more about INTJ Starter Kit here.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Vasil Cvetkovski February 19, 2018, 9:47 am

    No! I have dated four and met many of these. One, none of them had the attention span to even read about their own personalities. Two, it was like talking to a brick wall.

    For example: I like to eat in front of the TV – ten minutes of watching TV while stuffing myself somehow releases most of my stress. However (and this applied to each one), they would accuse me of being a “hypocrite” because I demand the TV, but I do not do the same for them. So, now I must explain this is not contradictory… I’m thinking: “This is my thing; I let you do your things! I ask how your day was (even though I could not possibly care less); I spend hours concocting stories about my day, instead of saying “same shit, different day” (which is what I think about every day) because I accept that talking about our stupid day is your thing; I spend hours at social events that I otherwise would never attend without a court order; and you’re plugged into the TV whenever I see you!” You try explaining this to an ESFP.

    It is possible I did not understand their “thoughts”. My definite impression was that they presumed they are normal and I am not normal. I felt like my compromises went unnoticed. Furthermore, the character of my compromises seemed aimed at changing who I am; meanwhile, my partner’s so-called compromises comprised of merely accepting my personality (something I already did for them the moment we met).

    • R. March 2, 2018, 11:54 am

      I one hundred percent agree with every word. I just ended a relationship with an ENFP because of the exact same reason.

  • Rose February 25, 2018, 3:21 pm

    I’m an ENFP and I’ve been casually dating this INTJ for the past year. He’s my fwb every time I’m single because he’s so busy (he owns a business). He’s just not in the position to have any kind of relationship because he plans on traveling the world and selling his house here, that’s why I’ve never taken him seriously. Also I have two children from two different fathers (it’s a long story but something I decided logically), and I feel that it might be embarrassing to him since he doesn’t want any children and doesn’t feel comfortable around them (He’s never met my children, but I did bring my son and Mom to one of his events to support him since he asked if I could).
    Well, just the other day I took the Briggs test and was so excited to have such an accurate description of my personality. I’ve been asking every guy that’s interested in dating me to take it (I am curious more than anything, since I’m trying to disprove Greek Zodiac dating theory, since I’ve never been attracted to my zodiac matches and it’s frustrating when it comes to choosing someone to date). He took it and viola! He’s my perfect match, an INTJ! I honestly wasn’t expecting that.
    I really like that he’s reserved and sensitive and he’s so smart (I’m starting my own business and he’s helping me with advice on how to start it), but like I said earlier he’s just a fwb! What do I do? It’s funny because I never get bored with him, he’s always stimulating my thoughts and we have really good chemistry, and we’ve never really had any disagreements and I would never do anything to hurt him (I’m normally drama to every other guy I date, but with him I don’t need to be, because he’s true to his word).
    It’s my dream to be in a loving relationship, I am a true ENFP after all, and I long to find that perfect match (I’ve been single 2 years! Which is an eternity for me). I don’t want to come in the way of his Dreams obviously I believe it would be good for him to get out of his head and stop working for a change.
    I know INTJs are super rare to find, should I do something to stay in touch? Will he think of me when he’s gone and decide he wants to be with me? I feel like since we’re just fwb, he won’t think twice about me and I would eventually forget him too. Should I do something to leave my mark? If he’s perfect for me shouldn’t I do something? My heart isn’t attached to him, but should it be?