All relationships go through ups and downs. INTJ relationship problems, specifically, seem to stem from their undesirable personality traits.
It’s not like these qualities are unattractive overall, but when it comes to relationships, certain traits can play a major role in the downfall of a relationship.
You just have to learn to work around them and solve the problems before they even arise.
If you’re an INTJ you already know some of your true personality traits that tend to be issues. Here’s how you can identify these even more and then fix them so your relationships will last.
Following are some common INTJ relationship problems to sort through.
1. You can be too critical
This is just a part of being an INTJ. You try to make the best of everything and everybody and sometimes that results in being critical of those whom you love.
It’s not really your fault. In your mind, you just want them to do better in order to be happy.
But this can come across as criticizing them. Oftentimes, you may make them feel inadequate in their interests or even in the relationship.
One way to fix this is to think about how what you want to say might sound to your significant other.
Before saying it out loud, put yourself in his or her shoes and consider if the way you want to present the idea seems harsh or like he or she is not good enough.
You can still help them become better without being overly critical to the point that it hurts them.
2. Being demanding
Again, this has a lot to do with the fact that your personality type is very particular. You tend to want things done right – and that’s often “your way.”
And to be honest, the best way probably is the way you want to do it. We INTJs tend to be efficient while still sticking with high quality results.
The thing that can make this trouble is when you demand too much of your partner. Being bossy isn’t sexy.
Take a step back and try to request your significant other do things instead of demanding them, too. Maybe even suggest a change in their actions instead of telling them to do something else.
3. You lack empathy
This isn’t always a bad thing when it comes to solving problems. INTJs excel at finding solutions to issues. However, you can sometimes just offer solutions without actually realizing how your partner feels.
Instead of listening to their concerns and allowing them to vent, you just offer ways to fix it.
While this seems perfect to you and you’re only trying to help, sometimes all your significant other needs is a shoulder to cry on or a lending ear.
When they’re upset, focus on asking more about how they feel and what you can do to help instead of just offering ways to make things better.
They’ll appreciate it much more.
4. Expecting too much engagement
No, this has nothing to do with a ring. This has more to do with your thirst for meaningful conversation to the point that it can be exhausting for your lover.
Not everyone wants to talk about intense topics all the time like you do.
As INTJs, we can discuss major issues and deep topics at any time but it’s not the same for other personality types.
They can do that for a while but often grow tired of it. You may exhaust your poor significant other if you try to do this too much.
Wait until they seem engaged and willing to discuss things before diving in right away.
This doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’re not a patient person. Because of the way you can solve problems quickly, you’ll often figure out just what your partner is trying to say before they’ve said it – and this can make you seem impatient.
A quick fix for this is to let them get their words out. They want to tell you things and don’t always want to you finish everything for them right away.
6. Wanting everything to be perfect
Us INTJs are perfectionists by nature. That’s just how we are.
And while this usually is a great thing when it comes to our work and hobbies, it can hinder a relationship. Nobody is perfect.
Expecting too much might just wear down on your significant other until they can’t take it anymore.
Just remember that they might not have the same standards you do so be careful not to push too hard. This will also help you not nitpick at everything they do too.
7. Not getting alone time
This usually becomes a problem when you move in with each other. You find that you need more time alone than you’re getting.
If you’re with an extrovert, it becomes an even bigger issue because they don’t understand.
Focus on setting aside time just for yourself. Tell your lover that you’re having a “you day,” and then do something that fulfills you during your alone time.
8. Pushing too hard
This has a lot to do with perfectionism but also the fact that INTJs want the very best for everyone – especially their significant others.
You may end up pushing your partner too much when it comes to accomplishing their goals. While you might think it’s helpful and will make them do better, it could actually cause him or her more stress and frustration.
You can always offer help and encouragement, but never push or make your partner feel bad about themselves for not getting something done on your timetable.
9. Not being forthcoming with your feelings
Relationships need to be open and communicative.
INTJs aren’t known as “robots” for no reason. We tend to internalize how we feel a lot and this can be frustrating for someone who’s in a relationship with us.
You have to get used to talking about what’s bothering you. Open up and make sure you tell them when you’re sad or mad or when you love them more than anything.
It’ll take some practice but with time, it’ll be made much easier.
Some INTJ relationship problems are easier to get over than others. Overall, being aware of these issues and working on improving them will help you out the most. It’s not about changing who you are but about finding a way to let your personality traits work with your partner’s.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.