Pros And Cons Of An INTJ ENTJ Relationship

Can there really only be one personality pairing that’s perfect?

Ok, I’m exaggerating.

But what if we were told that this is one of them?

Let me be clear:

I believe this is one of the most compatible matches for an INTJ.

Let’s look at some of the reasons why an INTJ ENTJ relationship could be one of the most enduring, meaningful episodes and experiences of your life.

INTJ ENTJ Relationship: A Complete Overview

It seems to me that in this personality pairing, we have just the right amount of similarity and just the right amount of difference.

Indeed, relationship experts point to pairings like this for exactly this reason.

In an INTJ ENTJ relationship, we can find two individuals with an incredible range of mutual interests, beliefs, life philosophies, and general thought patterns.

INTJs and ENTJs get each other.

This is the foundation on which the relationship can be strongly built.

One of the most remarkable things shared in common in such a relationship is the way of thinking, i.e. a shared perspective.

Both INTJs and ENTJs think about problems in approximately the same way.

They use their developed sense of intuition to attack difficult issues from a multitude of angles, employing a wide range of potential solutions.

A key difference, however, is that the INTJ is far more comfortable dealing with these problems in private, alone in one’s own solitude, where there is the space to think things out internally. INTJs love to think, alone, in quiet places.

ENTJs, on the other hand, prefer to surround themselves with other people and talk out their ideas to the group around them. They can gain inspiration by vocalizing their sometimes muddled thoughts, and putting them in order, often with the assistance of those present.

This process also energizes the ENTJ and brings them to life in a real way.

INTJ ENTJ relationships tend to have the potential for lifelong and deeply developed personal growth. Both types are committed by nature to improving themselves, and their material lives.

Conversations between INTJs and ENTJs will be flowing, intense, and able to cover a broad range of topics and ideas, all in considerable detail. Both types share the passion for lifelong learning and exploring topics in considerable depth.

One Of The Best Matches

INTJ ENTJ compatibility

Both INTJs and ENTJs often remark how they feel that they are passed over by other personality types for being too emotionally unavailable.

They can seem cold, overly reserved, and somewhat intimidating to others based on first impressions or appearances.

It takes time for others to truly appreciate the depth of character of INTJs and ENTJs.

Both are quite capable of showing emotion and empathizing with others; however, their guard is only let down once an initial layer of trust is maintained.

Of course, INTJs and ENTJs know this about each other from the outset.

They draw on their Intuition to sense the boundaries and quirks of one another, adding to a sort of silent dance during the courting process that can maintain itself indefinitely among the more enigmatic of the types.

Both types are deeply private individuals and are uncomfortable with divulging personal emotions to others, unless within the context of an understanding of loved ones and friends who know them and their ways.

This key ability to understand each other makes an INTJ ENTJ relationship such a powerful match.

Both types are low in emotional neediness and, unless taken for granted, each individual in the partnership is extremely grateful that a certain peace and tranquil harmony is maintained throughout the relationship.

The INTJ ENTJ relationship itself will indeed be characterized by its smooth-sailing, low-stress nature.

Conflict, when it occurs, will be managed objectively and with minimal unnecessary drama.

Because INTJs and ENTJs fundamentally get each other, any criticism they receive is usually understood as not being a personal attack.

It truly is an efficient way of doing a relationship – something so typically NTJ.

Indeed the Introverted natural tendency of the INTJ can be complemented by the outward-focused ENTJ, drawing the former out of their shell and into the multitude of alternative perspectives one can find in an educated society.

Equally of note is how the INTJ partner can help to ground the ENTJ partner, perhaps encouraging the latter to slow down and rest a bit more, offering much-needed benefit to the ever-active ENTJ.

No Drawbacks Whatsoever?

INTJ ENTJ Relationship problems

While both INTJs and ENTJs are highly independent and intellectually organized, conflict could arise in the particular nature of the individuals involved.

ENTJs have often been maligned as impatient and unwilling to change their minds without proper convincing.

This tendency and their natural propensity to lead and amass a following could leave the INTJ in the relationship feeling sidelined and increasingly irrelevant.

INTJs, though, can be labeled as indecisive and characterized as overthinking seemingly simple problems.

While the ENTJ personality type might be moving headlong forward, the INTJ can often seem stuck in the mud.

In a healthy, balanced relationship, however, both partners will, as it were, grow into one another.

The INTJ personality type who is willing to learn and maintain the spirit of their commitment to personal development will learn from the behavior of the ENTJ.

Similarly, the ENTJ personality type might learn to take time to themselves, to reflect in private, away from the gaze and subtle judgment of those who surround them.

Overall it seems like an INTJ ENTJ relationship would potentially be a dynamic and intense affair.

The theory of personality pairing is quite compelling, but it is another thing to hear from INTJs and ENTJs themselves and with their own experiences.

It could be that, over time, unseen and unexpected drawbacks can present themselves, and catch the INTJ ENTJ relationship by surprise.  We can at least expect the foundation of a healthy, thriving relationship to take shape.

Interested in figuring out the differences between you and your ENTJ partner? Then be sure to check out our complete comparison of INTJ vs ENTJ personality types.

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3 thoughts on “Pros And Cons Of An INTJ ENTJ Relationship”

  1. So, I am an ENTJ female in a relationship with an INTJ Male. Both of us are in our 40’s healthy and well rounded. We both admit to being rather arrogant in our youth and having been humbled by life. We just had our first major stumbling block and are navigating it currently. Since you asked to hear from an ENTJ/INTJ couple, I will give my two cents based on our short but quite intense courtship thus far. A few months in the making.

    We both have been completely swept off our feet by one another. Both of us have felt rather misunderstood and very mischaracterized by others as insensitive or cold, even to the extent of labeled a bully/abusive and it has deeply hurt both of us as we are actually tenderhearted and care deeply about people in our lives. It was actually our initial discussions around this awareness and almost warning each other from the get go that if we seem brash/harsh or too direct to please call us out and give us a chance to express ourselves more softly…as it is never intended. It is very much like you describe in literally the first 24 hours (yes, we actually spent it together talking about EVERYTHING under the sun and have yet to run out of things we like to talk about to great depth), we were saying, WOW this person really gets me and I get them! In a way I have never felt before and vice versa. Despite the normal discomfort in divulging deeply personal information and experiences, more so the related feelings, we both dove in very quickly peeling back layer after layer and just staring at each other in awe that we understood the psychology of our experiences and how we processed them for self growth.

    In any case, we have come to the first major hurdle. It boils down to a misunderstanding and deeply hurt feelings on both side. Truly triggered by a situation in which both of us had a trigger from a past relationship that just took us both to an equally deep and uncomfortable space emotionally.

    My ENTJ need to dissect it and deal with it head on and “right now” has been met with his need to pull away and chew on it privately with little to no willingness to give me any clue where he is leaning. Transparently, my initial reaction is to pull away and protect myself from getting hurt any further, but I know this relationship is worth being uncomfortable and learning how to have emotional patience to allow him to process how he needs… this does NOT come natural to me. I feel a total lack of control and the lack of information to work with is incredibly difficult for me to accept and not escalate the problem by being demanding of more communication. BUT, that is what I am doing… I am accepting that I have to trust the connection we have, what I have come to know and understand about how he deals with conflict and emotions, and wait it out because he has a right to process how he needs on his time table. I am rather confident that by this evening when we can sit down and unpack our feelings, discuss it rationally, we will put everything into perspective and reach a mutual understanding and resolution that we can both embrace and move on from without revisiting.

    We actually already determined a resolution to prevent a recurrence of the same problem, now it is a matter of getting the emotions which are difficult for both of us to label, organize, and resolve back to a stable and solid place. I realize people see us as cold and sometimes insensitive but what I think makes this relationship so incredible is that we actually understand how we deal with emotions and how strongly we are effected by our emotions, we just don’t show it like a lot of other personality types. It will come out of us in very rational cognitive dialogue that we REALLY MEAN. If I say I am just heartbroken, sad, hurt, betrayed, whatever… it means that is what I feel inside and I am struggling through it, but I probably will not cry, or be emotionally needy in any way (at least not in front of anyone, unless we are deep in a long term committed relationship and I trust I can fall apart without being judged). I can see he is the same. His timing is different than mine, some of his process is different… I can share out loud as I process, he can not. That is a challenge as it makes me feel a lot more vulnerable to him, but I see that it endears me to him that I do share even if it takes him time to reach that conclusion.

    At the end of the day, I agree with much of what you said here. We really deeply “get” each other, in a way neither of us has ever felt with anyone. I consider our relationship the most intensely romantic and passionate of any I have ever had… because I trust the genuineness of every exchange. I know his words are his real thoughts and he knows the same of me.

    The same qualities other personality types don’t appreciate or find uncomfortable to deal with… the directness, raw honestly, unapologetic way we see things and will debate our viewpoint (to analyze NOT to argue…but others can see it that way), makes us really appreciate each other. It’s so refreshing to be able to just be yourself and be valued and appreciated JUST the way you are is so amazing.

    I have zero doubt that we have the capacity to bring out the absolute best in each other. We have an incredibly deep respect for one another and seek each others opinions and counsel on everything from our professions, our parenting approach, and our personal interests. We both show our love by supporting the other in pursuing their interests and will go above and beyond to bring out the best in each other. We seem to just recognize the subtle ways we show our love and commitment towards each other. Neither is emotionally needy and that seems to free our energy to be able to really enjoy each other and find adequate time to pursue our personal worlds without guilt or frustration that past partners have left us with in terms of needing a lot of affirmation, togetherness, and assurances. We just read each other well and it is effortless to maintain a balance.

    So… I am sure we will resolve this tonight via a rich dialogue of cognitively packaged and delivered understanding of emotions and concerns that the incident produced on both our parts. There will be no emotional outbursts or “fighting” despite the fact we both felt this very deeply and have hurt each other unintentionally through a series of misunderstandings. I am so grateful that I know when he is ready to talk, I will be able to engage and stay engaged, because he is an INTJ and it will stay very rational and cognitive while I will fully understand what he shares emotionally even if his body language and delivery does not align with what most expect of someone “feeling” those things… as I am just like him in that way.

    My ex spouse was an ESFJ, we could NEVER resolve anything because we were just so different and even when I talked about my feelings, because they weren’t spilling out of me and overtaking me, it was like I was lying or didn’t feel it deeply and I could not address their feelings because I wanted to fix it, get to the root problem address it and strategize how not to repeat it… but apparently I was cold and insensitive because I responded rationally and without a great deal of emotional expression. I deeply cared always.

    I know I am rambling here, but I think it gives insight into what an ENTJ/INTJ relationship can look like. I do think because we are both so strong willed and confident in our intuition and assessments once we have taken in the data and formulated our thoughts, we can be quite adversarial without intention. We really don’t see ourselves that way because we kind of like being challenged and see it as intellectually stimulating when someone disagrees with us. We almost want to be proven wrong, I love when I learn something new and someone changes my mind. I immediately have more respect for them and value them more for influencing me. But maturity and natural consequences have taught me to be more sensitive and recognize how I make others uncomfortable when I challenge their ideas. My INTJ and I actually light up when we disagree. It is actually fun for us even when he heatedly debate and are SURE the other is wrong.

    I will admit between us, I am more likely to hurt his feelings and am having to learn how to manage my messaging with softer language as he does take more time to process his thoughts and deliver them in a less abrasive and harsh manner.

    Basically, he is helping me to recognize and improve that part of my personality, he says he loves how quickly I can look at a complex situation and widdle it down to a simplicity that he didn’t see or would take him a long time to see. He likes how decisive I am and how eagerly I attack and solve challenges or at least throw out possible solutions. Where he stews a lot longer and is slow to decide and take action. i like how thoughtful he is and patient in contemplating things. I sometimes check with him before I pull the trigger on something to make sure I’m not missing some risk he would think of and appreciate when he discourages me from following through usually with good food for thought to delay my action. We truly balance each other out and see the best and worst of each other with great understanding and compassion. We had this for past partners, though they just didn’t understand us enough to see and trust it.

    In my opinion, just from a personality standpoint, we are a perfect match. That being said, we do both agree had we met in our 20’s even early 30’s our arrogance and confidence could have prevented us from fully appreciating and valuing our differences. We have both had time to develop ourselves and are much less judgmental and though confident in some ways still…we have both been humbled by experiences and fully realize we are not better or more “right” than anyone else in how we navigate, we just are different and want to be understood and respected for who we are and we ARE capable of understanding other personality types and their differences and work hard to find ways to navigate them in a relationship. It just seems like they are less able to understand us and navigate us successfully. This relationship is very VERY easy in comparison to others because we do have so much in common with how we approach life and our own personal growth.

  2. ENTJ female married to INTJ male for about a decade. And yes, it’s as awesome and compatible as the above article describes. It’s no nonsense. No drama. Just gettin’ it done in the most efficient way possible while accomplishing all of our goals, familially and professionally. Phase II will focus on accomplishing outward social goals, now that Phase I is largely stable and rocking along nicely. Pros: There are no crazy makers in this relationship, neither are outside crazy makers tolerated or allowed to intrude on this peaceful, rational existence. The INTJ helps slow the ENTJ down when needed. The ENTJ helps get the INTJ moving. It works. Great balance. Cons: Sorry, there really aren’t many. And what cons there are aren’t significant enough to note.

  3. I am an INTJ female in a relationship with an ENTJ male. We have been together for over a year and a half, lived together for almost the same amount of time. We have not had a single fight in that time. If we come across a disagreement we tell the other what we are thinking and just talk about it.

    We like to debate but we are both considered Millennials, 28 and 35, so when we get to a point where we are down to arguing semantics, we will both search Google. We each can concede if the other is right. We accept facts. I may be leaning a little closer to INFJ due to my intense emotions but my ENTJ is very intuitive and knows what to say to make me feel better. If I make a stupid mistake and am thoroughly upset he tells me that it’s done and over with and all I can do is learn from the experience.

    We are very similar in personalities but we also had similar upbringings, belonged to the same part of Christianity, both decided to not be involved with the church, have similar thoughts on religion, etc. All of these extra things male things even easier because it requires less explanation of things that occurred earlier in our lives because we had similar experiences.

    I honestly believe we are a perfect match and our personalities mesh together harmoniously.

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