Ok, using the word robots is a bit much.
Or is it?
Have you ever known INTJs who used this word to describe themselves?
Are you an INTJ who describes yourself this way in the world of romance?
What would happen if we were to combine two of the most analytical, introverted personality types, and create a monster:
The INTJ INTJ Relationship.
All joking aside, is it really as impossible as it sounds?
Here’s the deal: INTJs are notoriously rigid in their perspectives. They arrive at their conclusions in life after careful analysis and evaluation of experiences.
The INTJ spends a considerable amount of time in their own space, thinking, reflecting and planning.
The INTJ thrives on escaping to isolation as much as necessary. Comfort and the ability to recharge can be found in a quiet place.
This is where the INTJ can find peace.
It is this dogged Introversion trait that defines the INTJ most.
We’re talking about INTJ romance and relationships in this article.
What sets sparks flying is attraction.
Here is where we might encounter the first obstacle: differences in perspective.
The INTJ, as we’ve already seen, arrives at their worldly opinions after careful deliberation.
It is very difficult for an INTJ to accept the opinions of others when there is a clash of ideas.
On a date with another INTJ, the INTJ will find even a slight difference of opinion impossible to let go.
The date might turn from initial potent chemistry to impending disaster.
The reason for this is simple: the INTJ finds it very hard to respect different perspectives on matters of principle and logic.
This inability to share a common perspective on abstract matters can kill the overall attraction in the dating process.
So, a slight difference can manifest in a breakdown of the budding relationship.
Now, imagine this INTJ feature with not one, but two INTJs dating each other.
The effect is multiplied and the mental intensity is anathema to building attraction.
Trapped In Our Heads
Buy why on earth won’t the INTJ just leave it, forget about it, and move on to something else?
It’s in our nature not to.
Look, we’re incredibly intellectual people.
We thrive on Intuition, on the abstract, on ideas.
We dwell in the realm of the mind.
Here we meet another obstacle in a potential INTJ INTJ relationship: the Introvert/Introvert conundrum.
Keirsey described how opposites generally attract in relationships; opposites in the sense of key personality preferences.
One of these is the Introversion/Extraversion function.
The INTJ, in theory, needs the balancing effect of an Extravert to even out their natural inclinations towards solitude.
An Extravert adds a more outward-facing social perspective in a relationship that bolsters the INTJ’s natural weaknesses.
What is the significance of this?
As functioning human beings we need to eat, build shelter and defenses, and interact with one another.
Ideas and planning are essential, but doing things is critical.
In life, the INTJ might have a tendency towards over-thinking and under-acting.
In a relationship where both partners share this trait, the relationship is liable to go nowhere.
Stagnation is death to romance.
Sure, INTJ INTJ relationships might share a great degree of comfort, understanding, and perhaps even similarly shared world perspectives.
However, this comfort might cause the INTJ couple to become too used to one another, and too predictable in each other’s eyes.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
Taking your partner for granted is a drawback in every relationship.
You have to work hard to maintain space, mystery and each other’s identity in the relationship unit.
The INTJ INTJ couple might struggle particularly here.
When you are a capable listener and able to catalogue information efficiently, you tend to learn the ways, thoughts and behavior of people. INTJs excel at this.
This is a detrimental ability in a relationship.
Between two INTJs, boredom will creep in. A certain same-old, same-old develops and slowly the intense, heady bond begins to show cracks.
Add to this the INTJ’s authoritative or commanding traits and conflict is a predictable consequence.
INTJs trap each other in their worlds of abstraction and logic.
Again, let’s touch on Keirsey’s understanding and add one more function.
An Extraverted-Feeling partner would solve the aforementioned INTJ relationship downsides.
This Feeling trait might well act as a counterweight to the logical and structured brain of the INTJ.
The addition of emotion into the equation would add a degree of variability and a sense of the unknown into the world of the INTJ’s relationship with this Feeling partner.
The INTJ needs this challenge and this, as it were, emotion-problem that would need to be constantly solved.
The INTJ would be kept guessing and the typical relationship ennui would be kept away longer and longer.
By now we truly understand the importance of balance in a relationship.
It is this writer’s opinion that the achieving of balance in the realm of an INTJ INTJ relationship would be both difficult to achieve and difficult to maintain.
There is too much dominance in key personality areas for there to exist a healthy balance.
But let us finally envision a situation where balance could be achieved.
In an INTJ INTJ relationship where a high degree of trust exists, a dynamic involving a more dominant INTJ leading a more submissive INTJ could, in theory, work.
An understanding of each other’s natures, combined with a deep respect for each other and the willingness to accept specific roles, all could come together to create a healthy, functioning relationship.
It’s also important to stress that personality types should function only as a guide when it comes to searching for romantic partners and relationships.
There is wide variation within individuals and this must be the overarching perspective.
And INTJs, especially, must understand that a degree of compromise is essential when becoming involved in a relationship.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with another INTJ? Share your comments below.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.