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4 Weird Reasons INTJ INFP Relationships Are Rocky

INTJ INFP Relationship

Let’s get one thing straight.

All relationships are rocky from time to time.

It’s a question of degree.

But what is it in particular that might cause tension in this pairing?

Let’s look at some of the reasons why your INTJ INFP relationship might struggle.

One of the first things you’ll say when describing your INFP partner is how nonjudgmental they are.

You’ll find their open-mindedness incredibly refreshing and your conversation will often be very smooth and free-flowing.

INFPs are also known to possess a dark streak that can surprise you, as they punctuate their generally positive and upbeat demeanor with some witty black one-liners.

Their complex personality will keep you intrigued from the outset.

Success At Work

INTJ work problems

INFPs are often highly competent in a particular area of life and this often translates into great success in the working world.

You might find achieving a work-life balance in your INTJ INFP relationship difficult to maintain, and this may grind on you over time.

If you are prone to envy you may even start to resent your INFP partner’s success and become bitter.

INTJs have a high idea of themselves but sometimes miss the wood for the trees when it comes to making money or career progression.

It’s important to check yourself and touch base with your INFP partner if you do start to feel unhappy about any imbalance in the relationship.

Your INFP partner will generally be very supportive and they genuinely like to see others do well.

He or she will usually be more than happy to sit down with you and examine some of the reasons why you might not be living up to your own potential.

Social Energy Mismatch

Many INFPs can come across as Extraverts due to their natural ability to engage in flowing and interesting conversation.

They usually have very upbeat and positive attitudes, especially when engaging in activities they love.

If you are a more Introverted INTJ you could find yourself feeling left out or uncomfortable in social situations while your INFP partner seems to take center stage at times.

Here again we see a potential mismatch in an INTJ INFP relationship.

If you are going to make this romantic partnership survive, you’ll have to decide to work hard to overcome your weaknesses and learn to grow as an individual.

At the same time, this could prove a rewarding dynamic as you are encouraged to come out of your comfort zone and develop a different side of you.

With other MBTI Extraverted personality types you would find it very difficult to maintain a high social presence.

Indeed it would be unsustainable for you over the long run.

However, your INFP partner is not a natural Extravert, even though they may have some of those tendencies.

This means that you’re not as likely to burn out, which is important to remember.

An Emotional Rollercoaster

INTJ INFP emotional rollercoaster

At times during your INTJ INFP relationship you may feel as though you’re walking on eggshells.

If your INFP partner feels they’re right about something, it can seem impossible to say or do anything to show them the error of their ways.

You might experience an explosion of emotion as the full wrath of your INFP partner falls upon you for seemingly no apparent reason.

You might tire of the excessive emotional dramatics which erupt over small things.

As an INTJ you could learn to let it wash over you, and give your INFP partner the space they need to calm down.

The worst thing you could do would be to try engaging with them while they are in this state.

It is better to sit down with your INFP partner early on in your relationship and explain that you don’t think this is an acceptable way for an adult to behave.

If they do not make an effort to change, it is your fault for staying.

Often, though, more mature INFPs will have learned to channel their powerful emotional reserves into more productive outlets.

This could explain their tendency towards success in the workplace.

Taking Things Personally

You may tire of the way you have to carefully consider your words when offering feedback during your INTJ INFP relationship.

INFPs are known for their tendency to take things personally.

This is a critical factor in any relationship.

How can you resolve the conflict productively that arises from the natural differences you both exhibit as individuals?

It can often depend on the INFP’s upbringing and how they learned to control their natural emotional behavior growing up.

Often you may be asked for advice by your INFP partner.

You will think about it in a considered and deep way, as INTJs are prone to doing.

You’ll then offer your advice to your INFP partner only for them to dismiss it out of hand.

You’ll ask why they are refusing to consider your advice but they will only offer some meaningless emotional reason.

I’ve personally encountered this behavior and I find it incredibly frustrating.

I often have to remind myself that this is just how INFPs are.

Remember also that INFPs are remarkable listeners and they listen to you in such a way that you feel like you could tell them anything and everything without feeling judged by them.

This is an incredibly rare attribute and it might go some way to compensating for some of the rampant emotionalism that can accompany INTJ INFP relationships.

Ultimately, the success of this relationship will depend on how much each partner is willing to change and compromise.

In the presence of a healthy level of respect for one another, this relationship will prove rewarding and it will endure.

You both will have a huge amount in common and just enough to properly complement each other.

You will have to adapt to their frequent emotionalism but you will benefit from their ability to listen to you and properly understand you.

What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an INFP? Share your comments below.

P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.

You can learn more about INTJ Starter Kit here.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Kristof March 1, 2018, 8:13 pm

    Nice blog. I found this entry informative enough, but there is much more involved in an INTJ-INFP coupling than your brief presentation suggests. A genuinely useful analysis of the INTJ-INFP interface would need to elucidate how their respective skill-stacks and value hierarchies interact. The fact, for instance, that Fi is dominant in INFP and tertiary in INTJ, while Te is auxiliary/supportive (second in the stack) in INTJ and inferior in INTJ.

    What INFPs find frustrating about INTJs is their want of empathy, their dogmatic, non-exploratory intellectual attitude (“decisive vs. infinite”), their manipulativeness, their autocratic positivism, and their results over process approach. For all their reputation as rational ‘master-minds’ the ones I’ve know have displayed a serious deficit in theoretical capacity, which is different than, say, establishing functional hierarchies or memorizing scientific facts. Their minds are neither contemplative nor playful, as both INFPs and INTPs are.

    The impression of manipulativeness arises because the INTJ is so affectively detached (they think emotions should be logical). Fi is in the third or ‘child’ position with them, making them less open to receive the affective nuances and evaluations of others. To not take these into consideration or engage with them leaves only the end-point of their always purpose-driven interactions. People can feel like pawns in the ends-means calculations of INTJs, that is to say–‘manipulated’.

    In the socionic transformation of MBTI, interestingly, INTJ are considered irrational types because that system takes the dominate function (Ni in this case) as indicative of judgement vs. perception. It has been my experience, which I admit is fairly limited, that INTJs are neither particularly theoretical nor affectively sophisticated in the way a Fi dominant type is. So it is hard for INFPs not to feel disconnected and left out in the cold in response, withdrawing into themselves to nurse their disappointment.

    The theoretical shortcomings of INTJS reflects the fact that ratiocination in this hierarchy is primarily pre-reflective thanks to their Ni dominant endowment, though this is greatly off-set by their Te helper function. However, that function/orientation is a practical, results-oriented capacity rather than an exploratory-creative one.

    I don’t know where the idea came from that INFPs tend to be more successful professionally. Their biggest challenge is problem solving and adapting to institutional frameworks. As spaced-out dreamers they tend to have the hardest time of any type finding a professional niche in life.

    I read that this combination works best when the INTJ is male and older and the INFP is female. The opposite order is highly atypical, though it is slightly more common for men to be INFPs than for women to be INTJs.