{"id":225,"date":"2018-06-22T17:54:21","date_gmt":"2018-06-22T17:54:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/?p=225"},"modified":"2023-05-30T13:04:40","modified_gmt":"2023-05-30T13:04:40","slug":"intj-relationship-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"9 Critical INTJ Relationship Problems (And How To Fix Them)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>All relationships go through ups and downs. INTJ relationship problems, specifically, seem to stem from their undesirable personality traits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s not like these qualities are unattractive overall, but when it comes to relationships, certain traits can play a major role in the downfall of a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You just have to learn to work around them and solve the problems before they even arise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re an INTJ personality type, <a href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/blog\/am-i-an-intj\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">you already know some of your true personality traits<\/a> that tend to be issues. Here\u2019s how you can identify these even more and then fix them so your relationships will last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Following are some common INTJ relationship problems to sort through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_64 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title \" >Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 eztoc-toggle-hide-by-default' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#1_You_can_be_too_critical\" title=\"1. You can be too critical\">1. You can be too critical<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#2_Being_demanding\" title=\"2. Being demanding\">2. Being demanding<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#3_You_lack_empathy\" title=\"3. You lack empathy\">3. You lack empathy<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#4_Expecting_too_much_engagement\" title=\"4. Expecting too much engagement\">4. Expecting too much engagement<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#5_Impatience\" title=\"5. Impatience\">5. Impatience<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#6_Wanting_everything_to_be_perfect\" title=\"6. Wanting everything to be perfect\">6. Wanting everything to be perfect<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#7_Not_getting_alone_time\" title=\"7. Not getting alone time\">7. Not getting alone time<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-8\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#8_Pushing_too_hard\" title=\"8. Pushing too hard\">8. Pushing too hard<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-9\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/#9_Not_being_forthcoming_with_your_feelings\" title=\"9. Not being forthcoming with your feelings\">9. Not being forthcoming with your feelings<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_You_can_be_too_critical\"><\/span>1. You can be too critical<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This is just a part of being an INTJ personality type. You try to make the best of everything and everybody and sometimes that results in being critical of those whom you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s not really your fault. In your mind, you just want them to do better in order to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But this can come across as criticizing them. Oftentimes, you may make them feel inadequate in their interests or even in a romantic relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One way to fix this is to think about how what you want to say might sound to your significant other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Before saying it out loud, put yourself in his or her shoes and consider if the way you want to present the idea seems harsh or like he or she is not good enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can still help them become better without <a href=\"https:\/\/www.insider.com\/signs-you-might-be-over-critical-and-controlling-in-relationship-2020-6\" target=\"_blank\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.insider.com\/signs-you-might-be-over-critical-and-controlling-in-relationship-2020-6\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">being overly critical<\/a> to the point that it hurts them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Being_demanding\"><\/span>2. Being demanding<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, this has a lot to do with the fact that your personality type is very particular. You tend to want things done right \u2013 and that\u2019s often \u201cyour way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And to be honest, the best way probably is the way you want to do it. We INTJs tend to be efficient while still sticking with high-quality results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The thing that can make this trouble is when you demand too much of your partner. Being bossy isn\u2019t sexy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Take a step back and try to request your significant other do things instead of demanding them, too. Maybe even suggest a change in their actions instead of telling them to do something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_You_lack_empathy\"><\/span>3. You lack empathy<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This isn\u2019t always a bad thing when it comes to solving problems. INTJs excel at finding solutions to issues. However, you can sometimes <em>just&nbsp;<\/em>offer solutions without actually realizing how your partner feels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of listening to their concerns and allowing them to vent, you just offer ways to fix it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While this seems perfect to you and you\u2019re only trying to help, sometimes all your significant other needs is a shoulder to cry on or a lending ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When they\u2019re upset, <a href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/blog\/intj-estj-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">focus on asking more about how they feel<\/a> and what you can do to help instead of just offering ways to make things better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They\u2019ll appreciate it much more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Expecting_too_much_engagement\"><\/span>4. Expecting too much engagement<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>No, this has nothing to do with a ring. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This has more to do with your thirst for meaningful conversation to the point that it can be exhausting for your lover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not everyone wants to talk about intense topics all the time like you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As INTJs, we can discuss major issues and deep topics at any time but it\u2019s not the same for other personality types.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They can do that for a while but often grow tired of it. You may exhaust your poor significant other if you try to do this too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Wait until they seem engaged and willing to discuss things before diving in right away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5_Impatience\"><\/span>5. Impatience<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This doesn\u2019t have anything to do with the fact that you\u2019re not a patient person. Because of the way you can solve problems quickly, you\u2019ll often figure out just what your partner is trying to say <em>before&nbsp;<\/em>they\u2019ve said it \u2013 and this can make you seem impatient.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A quick fix for this is to <a href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/blog\/intj-esfj-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">let them get their words out<\/a>. They want to tell you things and don\u2019t always want to you finish everything for them right away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6_Wanting_everything_to_be_perfect\"><\/span>6. Wanting everything to be perfect<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"536\" src=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/intj-relationship-problems-perfection-1024x536.png\" alt=\"intj relationship problems - perfection\" class=\"wp-image-486\" srcset=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/intj-relationship-problems-perfection-1024x536.png 1024w, https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/intj-relationship-problems-perfection-300x157.png 300w, https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/intj-relationship-problems-perfection-768x402.png 768w, https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/intj-relationship-problems-perfection.png 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>We INTJs are perfectionists by nature. That\u2019s just how we are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And while this usually is a great thing when it comes to our work and hobbies, it can hinder a relationship. Nobody is perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Expecting too much might just wear down on your significant other until they can\u2019t take it anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just remember that they might not have the same standards you do, so be careful not to push too hard. This will also help you not nitpick at everything they do too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7_Not_getting_alone_time\"><\/span>7. Not getting alone time<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This usually becomes a problem when you move in with each other. You find that you need more time alone than you\u2019re getting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/blog\/intj-entj-relationship\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">If you\u2019re with an extrovert<\/a>, it becomes an even bigger issue because they don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Focus on setting aside time just for yourself. Tell your lover that you\u2019re having a \u201cyou day,\u201d and then do something that fulfills you during your alone time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8_Pushing_too_hard\"><\/span>8. Pushing too hard<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This has a lot to do with perfectionism but also the fact that INTJs want the very best for everyone \u2013 especially their significant others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may end up pushing your partner too much when it comes to accomplishing their goals. While you might think it\u2019s helpful and will make them do better, it could actually cause him or her more stress and frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can always offer help and encouragement, but never push or make your partner feel bad about themselves for not getting something done on <em>your&nbsp;<\/em>timetable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"9_Not_being_forthcoming_with_your_feelings\"><\/span>9. Not being forthcoming with your feelings<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Relationships need to be open and communicative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/blog\/intj-intj-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">INTJs aren\u2019t known as \u201crobots\u201d for no reason<\/a>. We tend to internalize how we feel a lot, and this can be frustrating for someone who\u2019s in a relationship with us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You have to get used to talking about what\u2019s bothering you. Open up and make sure you tell them when you\u2019re sad or mad or when you love them more than anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019ll take some practice but with time, it\u2019ll be made much easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some INTJ relationship problems are easier to get over than others. Overall, being aware of these issues and working on improving them will help you out the most. It\u2019s not about changing who you are but about finding a way to let your personality traits work with your partner\u2019s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>All relationships go through ups and downs. INTJ relationship problems, specifically, seem to stem from their undesirable personality traits. It\u2019s not like these qualities are unattractive overall, but when it comes to relationships, certain traits can play a major role in the downfall of a relationship. You just have to learn to work around them &#8230; <a title=\"9 Critical INTJ Relationship Problems (And How To Fix Them)\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/intj-relationship-problems\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about 9 Critical INTJ Relationship Problems (And How To Fix Them)\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":235,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_sb_is_suggestion_mode":false,"_sb_show_suggestion_boards":false,"_sb_show_comment_boards":false,"_sb_suggestion_history":"","_sb_update_block_changes":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1262,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/1262"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/235"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intjsecrets.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}