Understanding your partner is an important factor in making a relationship works.
That’s why learning your significant other’s love language is important. Not everyone shows their affection in the same way.
As an INTJ, I notice a big difference in expressing love compared to other MBTI types.
So today, I’ll share with you everything there’s to know about the INTJ love language.
Let’s dive in.
5 Ways INTJs Show Love
Different people use different ways to express their love.
According to the marriage counselor Gary Chapman’s book of the same name, there are five love languages. These are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Gifting
And every single person has an order of preference for them. So, while someone thinks that saying “I love you” is the ultimate proof of love, others might think that actions come first.
What do INTJs think?
Well, not every INTJ will have the same order for these love languages. There are certain things that will affect their choice, like their enneagram or matureness.
But, most INTJs will probably have a somewhat similar opinion on the best ways to express affection.
First, let’s address each of the love languages individually.
Words of Affirmation
This type of love language is about expressing emotions with spoken words. People with words of affirmation as their primary love language value verbal expressions of affection.
By affection, I don’t mean just saying “I love you,” but giving compliments and encouragement, as well as keeping in touch digitally on a regular basis. Yes, sending loving stickers out of the blue to remind a person you think of them also counts.
But as you already know, INTJs aren’t very known for putting their feelings into words. For the majority of them, words of affirmation are not their first choice of love language. In fact, it usually falls at the bottom of the list.
Still, that’s not to say that you can’t expect to hear some warm words from an INTJ. But people with this personality type definitely have a specific way of doing that.
Look, even if words of affirmation don’t have such a meaningful impact on INTJs, they understand that other MBTI types value them way more. And when they really care about a person, they won’t mind manifesting their love language through words.
Now, INTJs formulate their words in a way that feels most normal to them. This means not using simple phrases that are supposed to carry a large meaning in a few words. Sure, “I love you” sounds deep, but it’s just as quick and easy to say, it carries no weight for an INTJ.
Instead, they will make an effort to make their words as specific as possible to show you they’re really paying attention to you. So instead of saying they think you’re cool, INTJs will give you a detailed explanation of your certain action they really liked.
Quality Time
For some people, spending quality time with their significant other is the best way to show affection. This means enjoying activities together but also listening and talking with your partner.
Many INTJs find this to be their primary love language. And that’s not even surprising.
Sure, INTJs have limited social energy and really need their time alone to recharge. But when it comes to their significant others, that’s not the case.
As you probably know, INTJs don’t click with just anyone. They find no significance in small talk, so they won’t even bother socializing with people they don’t care about.
But when they can connect with someone on a deeper level, they’ll enjoy spending time with them. They can lower their guard, have meaningful conversations and truly be themselves. Spending quality time with people they care about is a way INTJs subtly show their feelings.
Physical Touch
Some people find physical touch to be the best proof of affection. With acquaintances and friends, that includes gestures like greetings and hugging. With partners, that involves everything from holding hands to intimate expressions like lovemaking.
Regarding people they don’t know too well, INTJs don’t feel comfortable using physical touch. Some people are huggers, even with those they meet for the first time. INTJs, on the other hand, find hugs to be very intrusive of their personal space.
That personal space is reserved only for the people they really care about.
But even then, INTJs don’t put high significance on personal touch as a way of expression.
Even if an INTJ is a head over heels in love with you, they won’t feel like expressing that through cuddling 24/7.
But INTJs won’t find partners that enjoy doing that as “clingy.” Mature INTJs understand that other MBTI types may need more physical expression of love than they do. And as long as they can balance that out with INTJs’ need for solitude.
What’s more, some INTJs may find expressing love through touch easier than doing that through words. That’s especially the case if they’re in a romantic relationship with sensing-perceiving types like ESFP and ESTP.
These two MBTI types communicate in a rather concrete way compared to INTJs, who are very abstract. That’s why it might be easier for an INTJ to show their love with physical touch rather than trying to explain how they feel.
Acts of Service
Another way of showing affection is doing things for the ones you love. By doing that, they show they’re attentive to their partner’s needs and supportive of them.
These acts are the little things like:
- Helping with the housework
- Making coffee for the partner
- Bringing them soup when they’re sick
When you care about someone, doing little things that make them feel better also makes us feel better.
INTJs might not be big on words, but they’re definitely big on actions. That’s why, for many of them, acts of service are their preferred love language.
Their abstract way of thinking can cause them to be misunderstood. But there’s no way you can get the wrong idea from their actions.
Especially because they put so much thought behind them.
You see, an INTJ won’t just do those small things like making breakfast and doing their partner’s chores. They will use their great analytical and critical thinking skills to help their partner solve a problem they might have.
Gifting
Finally, receiving gifts from a significant other is the best indicator of love for some people. And to them, it’s not the present that counts, but the thought.
However, most INTJs don’t feel that way. Especially when not a lot of thought was put into choosing the present.
So, for instance, if an INTJ hates coffee, they surely won’t be very touched by a coffee cup set as a gift. And what’s worse, an INTJ will probably feel obligated to get you a gift as well.
But not all gifts would make them feel that way – just the random ones picked without much effort.
When it comes to people they care about, receiving a meaningful gift from them means so much to INTJs. Since they’d put great attention onto choosing something their partner would like or could use, they cherish the same attitude.
To Sum Things Up
Out of five love languages, INTJs most often put quality time and acts of service first. That’s because they find it easier to express their feelings through their behavior rather than words.
However, that’s not absolutely always the case, as some INTJs treasure words, touch, and gifts very much. Still, they also have a way of using them that’s specific to INTJ personality type.
Which one of these love languages sounds like the most natural option for you?
Do you know what MBTI types match the best with yours? Here’s our compatibility chart with an in-depth analysis of every pair