What makes a great match?
Tough question, right?
I believe it’s a balance between things in common, and just enough difference.
But there’s more to it.
Especially when we look at some of the specifics of INTJ ISFP relationships.
This relationship personality pairing is held up as one of the better matches for INTJs.
Indeed ISFPs are said to have a great way of complementing INTJs.
They often seem to just click in ways that many other MBTI relationship pairings don’t.
Of course, neither of you should have significant personal issues.
You both need to deal with these before you can build a healthy relationship with each other.
It may take a significant period of time before your ISFP partner opens up emotionally to you. There are two ways of looking at this.
The first would be to grow frustrated at the lack of progress in the relationship intimacy early on.
The second, and in my opinion the view of most INTJs, is to be grateful to find a romantic partner who understands the value of taking things slow.
Mystery and intrigue build as the flower of your ISFP blossoms, and their deep enigma is like a puzzle to be solved by your analytical INTJ mind.
You’ll notice also that as your INTJ ISFP relationship develops, your ISFP partner will be uncannily able to judge your emotions just by examining your face or noticing your movements.
They will begin to know you like no other, and this knowledge adds a special feeling of uniqueness into your relationship, especially when compared to past relationships you’ve experienced.
You’re both likely to be very private people, and your ISFP partner is probably more so than you.
But their preference for privacy doesn’t always equate with wanting to stay away from all socializing.
You’ll both have that healthy disdain for sometimes pretentious social gatherings but you’ll also help each other get through the ones you know you should go to.
In a sense you’ll come to see each other as a team, pushing each other to get out of the house more than you want to, because you know it’s probably good for you.
This is important because of the INTJ’s natural preference for solitude and isolation, a tendency that can, in excess, lead to periods of intense loneliness as the natural motivation to be among others can be quiet weak at times.
As your sense of camaraderie deepens you’ll become aware of the mutual interests present in your INTJ ISFP relationship.
You’re very likely to share the same sense of humor, making social occasions all the more manageable, and trips to the local comedy club could become a regular event.
You may also have broadly the same physical interests, and exercising together is one of the many ways you end up cementing your relationship over time.
Keeping fit and the great feelings it generates for mind and body alike can add a degree of positivity that is missing in too many INTJs, as our problem solver mentality often causes us to seek out and focus on the bad or broken things in life.
Unlike many other personality pairings, things like agreeing on a movie to watch can be surprisingly easy.
This is just another facet of the ease at which INTJ ISFP relationships can operate.
It’s not all roses, however.
Some of the more interesting gripes that INTJs mention when describing their relationships with ISFPs include their tardiness, and your waiting on them.
You like to be on time but you notice that every time you are kept waiting in the car.
Or their tendency to give others second chances, which turn out to come back and bite them.
Or even a distrust of our Intuitive Thinking which leads them to ignore our hunches about bad people, only to see them hurt later on.
Maybe it’s their way of asserting their independence within the relationship.
This is, after all, a partnership where you each have a lot in common and sometimes we end up cutting off our noses to spite our faces.
Your ISFP partner may even complain about how we are too logical for them while at the same time relying on our intellectual abilities to help them with something.
Just remember though that INTJs also do things that drive their partners crazy.
We are not totally innocent.
On a more serious note, however, you’re likely to encounter a significant stumbling block when it comes to deeper levels of intellectual communication within your INTJ ISFP relationship.
You might be surprised to note how often the words, “you make me feel stupid”, arise during an argument with your ISFP partner.
Of course it was never your intention to make your loved one feel this way.
Yet you end up feeling stuck in a difficult and somewhat helpless position.
It’s clear that the ability to discuss a broad range of ideas intellectually is both natural and important to you.
If neither you nor your ISFP partner can connect intellectually, then what does this say about your relationship?
I advise that you seek an intellectual outlet outside your INTJ ISFP relationship.
It is incumbent upon you to foster friendships with likeminded individuals with whom you can be yourself intellectually.
Your ISFP partner should of course be welcome to join you, and they must also be told quite clearly that this is important for you and your mental sanity.
Naturally, this could be difficult if your ISFP partner is prone towards jealousy.
But if this is the case, it should make you think quite deeply about whether you are right for one another.
Ensure that, early on in your relationship, you sit down and make clear to your ISFP partner what your needs are in this area of the relationship.
The chances are that your ISFP partner will be more than happy for you to have this outlet, and even be grateful to see this part of you satisfied.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an ISFP? Share your comments below.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.