So you’re in a relationship with an INTP?
Or maybe you’d like to be?
We’re going to look at what you can expect.
And we’ll look at some of the ways of dealing with your differences.
INTPs have a tremendous amount in common with INTJs. But is this enough to overcome the areas of incompatibility?
If there is one thing you can most depend on in your INTJ INTP relationship, it’s that you both will fundamentally understand and get each other.
You’re both analytical types and have little time for social niceties, even though the INTP will be more likely to engage in this.
As an INTJ you value your INTP partner’s high standards which have the effect of pushing you to always be improving yourself.
You also love the presence of your partner’s Perceiving function which injects some much needed spontaneity into your relationship, pushing you out of your comfort zone albeit in the safety of the confines of your relationship.
Even though you’re both stubborn to some degree, your conversations seemingly start from nothing but twist and meander into a sometimes life changing exchange of ideas.
It is your shared intelligence and creativity that can allow for the broad and deep discussions you so regularly share, whether it’s over a midweek meal or simply during a car ride to buy some groceries.
INTJs crave the company of a friend or lover who sees the world in the same intuitive way, someone who is able to grasp the bigger picture and intelligent enough to be able to articulate it, albeit in a sometimes disconnected, seemingly illogical way.
In your INTJ INTP relationship you will find someone who might not be as intuitive as you, but is nonetheless intuitive enough to understand you and engage on the same intellectual plane.
You can also count on your INTP partner to tell you the truth, objectively and without any attempt at sugar coating it.
He or she will also not try to spin it so that they appear in a better light.
But be careful – the truth from an INTP can sting like no other.
Their analytical, observant intellect will cut to the bone of an issue, having stripped away the non-essential elements, providing you with something totally true about yourself or something else.
Veritas odium parit (truth breeds resentment – but you knew that).
Yet the truth told in the context of a trusting, loving relationship makes you see it for what it is: guidance from somebody who deeply knows you and cares for you.
Potential Areas Of Conflict
But of course we understand that no relationship is perfect, least of all an INTJ INTP relationship.
Your INTP’s stubbornness might sometimes drive you crazy.
Indeed, their dogged stubbornness in the face of new information can seem out of character for the INTP, but you will often find that the INTP will need to examine the new information in their own space and time before coming around.
And while your epic conversations might be memorable for good reasons, don’t be surprised if you become frustrated on other occasions.
INTPs can focus too much on categories and definitions, pedantically so, at the expense of the gist or flow of a discussion, bogging you down and causing irritation.
While you will love your INTP’s innovation, insightful and even revolutionary ideas, you can become jaded by their lack of following through and doing something about their genius.
Around the house you might find evidence of started but not finished projects, and your INTP partner might have completely neglected their household duties in the process, leaving dirty dishes to you.
This, in particular, can rankle even the most mild mannered of INTJs.
Neither partner in an INTJ INTP relationship does well with emotions, and you might be initially deceived by the seemingly stoic demeanor of your INTP partner.
What seems to happen is that feelings build and bubble under the surface, only to be released in explosive and wrathful episodes.
You might learn to expect these and to anticipate the signs.
Small things like giving you excessively long answers to simple questions like “is it raining still?” can bother you on a daily basis but what can cause a deep and lasting underlying sense of anxiety is the INTP’s lack of a viable future plan.
As INTJs we need a map for the future and we become uncomfortable in the presence of too much uncertainty.
Add this to the INTP’s general lack of ambition and a somewhat bleak sense of the viability of an INTJ INTP relationship might arise.
Trust In Time
If there is one thing that crops up time and time again in the discussions of this relationship personality pairing it’s that both individuals learn to adapt to each other over time.
This information should serve to inspire you, especially in the face of tension or a period of conflict in your relationship with an INTP.
As an INTJ you are gifted with the ability to observe and analyze and you must use these attributes to your advantage if you want your INTJ INTP relationship to thrive.
Notice what happened before an emotional outburst and note what was said during it.
There will lie the clues.
Be direct and blunt with your INTP partner when they give a rambling answer to a simple yes/no question.
Let them know you don’t want the entire spiel.
INTPs by nature are direct and blunt so they will actually appreciate your reciprocation and be grateful over time for the feedback.
Understand that you must communicate your dissatisfaction with particular areas of your relationship with your INTP partner.
Their ability to remove their ego from the equation will mean that they will genuinely reflect on what you’re saying and they will work to improve themselves.
Accept that some things will never change.
You may have to do more of the housework and that is just part of the compromise.
Find an area of the relationship where you can even things out, and let your INTP partner do more.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an INTP? Share your comments below.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.