Sounds like a match made in heaven, right?
There is more to this than meets the eye, however.
Why is this known as a curiously suitable personality pairing?
Let’s look at some of the dynamics at play in an INTJ INFJ relationship.
Known for their gentle nature yet unusually high levels of intelligence, INFJs are one of the more rare types, for males especially.
Seemingly always preoccupied with the weightiest emotional issues and concerns, embarking on a relationship with an INFJ seems like a dangerous proposition for any discerning INTJ.
INFJs are characterized in this relationship pairing by their Introverted Intuition powered by Extraverted Feeling, which tends to drive them towards interpersonal interaction.
They notice patterns unconsciously in the dynamics at play between people or within individual people.
This is mysterious both to the INFJ and their INTJ partners, fostering a seemingly unsolvable enigma surrounding their thought patterns and processes.
This deep shroud of mystery can prove irresistible for the problem-solver mind of the INTJ, and keep at bay the general ennui that creeps into most relationships over time.
Already we can see the potential promise of an INTJ INFJ relationship.
On the other hand, INTJs also possess Introverted Intuition, followed, however, by Extraverted Thinking.
This leads them to view the world through a lens of utilitarianism, categorizing and interpreting the relationships between things and abstract ideas.
Indeed, our common Introverted Intuition can lead us to share a lot of things in common.
The area where this relationship match is likely to break down is in the domain of emotions and feelings.
A Sensitive Question
This all depends on the intensity or degree of emotionality of your INFJ partner.
You may feel that you have to be very careful with your words in case you hurt them deeply due to their sensitive nature.
You might encounter an INFJ who could make your heart melt with their sweet, innocent and soft sensitive side, a side which tends to dominate even the most balanced INFJs.
You might feel protective over your gentle soul INFJ partner and want to keep him or her safe from the harsh reality of the world.
Indeed, we, as an INTJs, are known as good listeners.
We can sit and take in everything our INFJ partner might spill out, and, while we may not be able to fully comprehend the depth of what they’re feeling, they fully appreciate how we have dedicated ourselves to them in that moment.
They further love how we can offer objective, rational advice which seems to lift them out of their emotional malaise.
This is highly valued by INFJs because they often become overwhelmed with emotion and do not know how to handle it in a healthy way.
Don’t be surprised if your INFJ partner sometimes does not show up, or makes excuses at the last minute either.
They are trapped in a swirling internal world where they often feel like they just can’t cope.
At the same time, this behavior is testing for the most understanding and patient of INTJs, and will inevitably put a strain on any INTJ INFJ relationship.
It’s all a question of degree.
I would recommend avoiding a prolonged relationship with overly-emotional INFJs.
These types can often be seen to be at the root of their own emotional issues.
It’s almost as though they want the turmoil because it’s how they gain meaning for their lives.
In a sense it’s a suffering that they put upon themselves, for reasons beyond the remit of this piece.
Realize, then, that this is not a problem to be solved, but rather one to be avoided.
It can’t be solved, by design.
Some people just are the way they are, and other personality types will be better predisposed to handle the hyper-emotionality of this subset of INFJ.
As an INTJ you have other things to be doing and exploring than becoming mired in relationships that will inevitably drain you.
You must make a decision on how to spend your valuable and limited time and energy.
When It Works, It Really Works
INFJs can help to offset some of the natural tendencies of INTJs too.
And here is whether the lasting magic can really happen.
While the INFJ’s world of feelings can indeed overwhelm you, there is also something to perhaps be learned from it.
INTJs are often a little too analytical and while we love to think we see the bigger picture, we are often blinded by our own limited human perspective.
There is so much more to life than neatly fitting systems and logic.
This world is dry and dull, and while it might provide us with a sense of security, we would do well to step outside our comfort zone if we want to continue growing as individuals.
A well-balanced INFJ can bond deeply in a way that activates your dormant emotional side and help to bring a degree of balance to your life.
By engaging meaningfully in your INTJ INFJ relationship you can connect with part of you that may have been long neglected.
You might find yourself discovering new areas of emotional power within you, powerful forces that can push you to find new meaning in your own life, or to push you towards achieving some important goals.
Address a problem you’re experience in the workplace with your INFJ partner and you could be amazed at how they can easily dissect the human element of the equation.
Their often incredible intelligence can mesmerize you as they employ their people-focused intuition towards helping you.
Again, it is a question of intensity.
Two intensely constructed individuals in an INTJ INFJ relationship will struggle to maintain a healthy balance.
But when two respecting, willing to compromise and able to adapt individuals come together, you can see how this could really prove to be a strong and lasting personality match.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an INFJ? Share your comments below.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.