While INTJs might not be the most popular kids in town, they’re definitely not unfriendly.
True, they do prefer a smaller group of friends. But each member is carefully chosen.
As an INTJ myself, I can attest to that.
So, what makes one worthy of INTJ friendships?
Let’s dive in!
Things to Know About INTJ Friendships
Among their circle of friends, INTJs have no issue with being who they are. Their wittiness and absurd sense of humor turns every conversation into true enjoyment.
However, getting to that point isn’t very easy. People with the INTJ personality type have certain expectations from their relationship with friends.
Let’s address each of them individually.
Trustworthiness
For an INTJ, the most important thing in a friendship is trust.
At the same time, it’s a tough one to get.
That’s because INTJs approach everything with rationality and critical thinking. And when it comes to trust in people, they tend to base it on real-life evidence. In other words, how you align your words with actions.
And that’s why it takes so long for INTJs to build their trust with someone. Basically, becoming an INTJ’s close friend means passing their thorough evaluation.
Now, this is where things get interesting. You see, INTJs do this without much thinking – this is their intuition working in the background. Their subconsciousness processes past experiences to set expectations. And when you exceed those expectations, you win the lottery.
But once you lose an INTJ’s trust, it’s almost impossible to win it back.
It might sound cruel, but that’s a pretty rational decision. Trusting in someone and being let down is inefficient, and INTJs are just being pragmatic.
To be asked for an opinion/advice
INTJs have a very thorough thinking process. Before forming an opinion, they like to collect as much info as possible. Then, they look for patterns and meanings to find out:
- Why things are the way they are
- How they work
- And whether there’s a better approach
If you need a second opinion on a certain matter, an INTJ can give you even more than that. They’ll point out a problem and offer the most rational and efficient way of solving it.
In their head, INTJs are already ten steps ahead. They had already played a hundred scenarios and strategically singled out the best course of action.
However, don’t expect an INTJ to always give their input unless asked. And it’s not because they don’t like giving their opinion. In fact, they’re very proud of their thorough thinking process and enjoy putting it to good use.
Now, the INTJ type is known for being very direct and abrupt in doing so. And this lack of social standards is often perceived as rude and heartless. Many INTJs learned that the hard way. That’s why they may hold back from serving you the cold truth unless you ask for it.
But if you do ask them, INTJs can give you quite a valuable perspective on the subject. Unlike many other MBTI types, they can put feelings aside and form a rational opinion based on facts.
To be direct with them
INTJs live their lives in search of truth. They put a lot of time and effort into getting to the bottom of things. It’s hard-earned knowledge, which they’re very proud of.
INTJs hold truth at the top of their value hierarchy, so they have little patience for white lies and sugarcoating.
To them, truth is a sign of respect and the greatest gift they can give you. But that’s what they expect from you as well.
INTJs don’t need their friends to make facts more palatable. They don’t see the point in doing so, as it creates a distorted vision of a harsh reality. And that’s not something you can learn from.
Instead, INTJs prefer being faced with the truth, plain as it is.
Now, let’s make one thing straight. INTJs aren’t cold-blooded robots – they do have feelings. And yes, they can get hurt by words, especially when coming from someone they care about.
But, INTJs take constructive criticism very well. If the end result of criticism is progress or a deeper understanding, then it serves its purpose.
Motivation
INTJs are very motivated and goal-oriented. They always strive to do things in a better and more efficient way.
They want to make the best use of their potential, and they want the same for their friends.
Observant and analytical, an INTJ can often see your strengths and capabilities better than you. And they’ll make it their mission to help you use them to their full capacity.
In friends, INTJs look for people that share the same motivation for improvement. That way, they can push each other to be better.
Freedom and alone time
Being friends with an INTJ means understanding they don’t want to hang out all the time. The same goes for texting and chatting on social media.
That, of course, doesn’t mean that an INTJ doesn’t like you. They’re simply not feeling the necessity to keep in frequent contact just to prove their love.
As introverts, INTJs get drained by social interaction and need time alone to recharge. Now, they love their personal space and freedom very much. So, rest assured they’re sacrificing a lot when they choose to hang out with you.
But you need to understand that there’s a limit to the level of social interaction they’re comfortable with at a time. So don’t smother them with attention when you see they need personal space.
Intellectual compatibility
INTJs find great pleasure in debating controversial topics and abstract theories. Their strong intuition and critical thinking allow them to understand the deeper meaning of things. This means they can easily grasp complex concepts and ideas.
INTJ enjoy the company of people with whom they share intellectual compatibility. Now, this doesn’t mean they only befriend those that qualify for membership in Mensa. In fact, actual IQ has nothing to do with how much an INTJ would like you.
Instead, it’s your interests and opinions that matter. An INTJ won’t put too much effort into getting closer to someone they find boring and have no intellectual curiosity.
As you know, they hate small talk, as it gives them no intellectual satisfaction or mental stimulation. If your topics don’t go beyond dinner-table conversation, don’t expect much enthusiasm from an INTJ.
Patience
As we already established, INTJs aren’t very trustful to people they don’t know. And it takes them awful a lot to start trusting acquaintances.
In fact, you have quite a long way to go from a person they know, to a person they call a true friend.
But that’s something an INTJ doesn’t want you to hold a grudge about. They’re very private and reserved, so opening up to people doesn’t come easy to them.
However, if you do stick around, they’ll eventually loosen up their shell and show you their true personality.
Quiet company
Not in the mood for chit-chat?
That’s alright. Your INTJ friend doesn’t feel like it, either.
What they do enjoy is your company, even if they’re not exactly interacting with you in any way.
You can both read books, study or enjoy music and still have a good time.
Being included
Don’t just assume that, just because your friend is an INTJ, they don’t want to go places with you.
If an INTJ considers you a good friend, they won’t mind occasionally doing “outgoing” things just because you enjoy them. After all, they enjoy your company, and that’s what matters the most.
However, don’t expect an INTJ to invite themselves. If you don’t ask them, they’ll just assume you don’t want them to come. And being as introverted as they are, they don’t want to appear clingy.
To Sum Things Up
There you have it, a comprehensive list of things INTJ expect from their friends.
And in the end, it all sums up into one thing – they expect understanding.
They’re introverts, after all, and pretty big ones at that. Still, they care a lot about their friends and show that in their unique way.
Do you know how INTJs show love? Here’s our article about INTJ’s love language.