Are you currently in an INTJ ENFJ relationship?
Or maybe you’re thinking about starting one?
Either way, I got some useful insights to share with you.
But let’s get one thing straight:
No relationship will ever be perfect.
If you accept this, read on.
This may not be one of the more likely MBTI personality pairings.
Yet there are areas for improving your understanding if you are in such a relationship.
1) Let Your ENFJ Partner Know That They Can Be Authentic Around You
Of course, it will take more than simply telling them this.
But ENFJs are renowned for masking their true feelings under a false air of optimism – an optimism that many see through.
They come across as disingenuous as they won’t be honest about their feelings with you. However, this is not to spite you.
ENFJs see this instead as not burdening you with their feelings. They don’t want to puncture your happiness with their emotional issue du jour.
However, this attitude is difficult to deal with over the long term.
ENFJs dwell in the emotional world and there will be no end to their disingenuous attitude towards their true feelings.
Unless you want your INTJ ENFJ relationship to be characterized by this behavior, you must make it clear to your ENFJ partner that they can be totally open about their feelings at all times with you.
Let them know that it is more important for you that they are honest are direct and that the alternative is just not acceptable.
2) Be Prepared To Develop Your Affectionate Side
Your ENFJ partner has a fundamentally different view of the world and the realm of relationships.
INTJs are characterized by their sense of independence and need for space.
ENFJs, on the other hand, can demand a significant amount of attention, and can become resentful if they don’t get it.
You will need to remind yourself to provide your ENFJ partner with acts of external validation on a daily basis.
Whether it’s in the form of compliments, kisses, romantic gestures or gifts, this is how life is within an INTJ ENFJ relationship.
ENFJs have been described by many INTJs as needy. You must decide whether you can deal with this emotional neediness for the duration of your relationship.
The reality is that most people will never change, and only some people can change some things about themselves.
As an INTJ you must make a decision as to whether this particular character trait is a deal breaker because if it is, and you do nothing about it, you will suffer over the long term.
3) Embrace Your Extraverted Side
ENFJs love to be around people. INTJs do not.
Of course this is somewhat of a generalization but we are speaking in general terms about personality types.
If you commit yourself to growing and developing as a person you can truly benefit from the guidance of your ENFJ partner in social settings.
You may not be comfortable around groups of people but make the choice to push yourself out of your comfort zone and enjoy some of the many benefits of socializing with others.
Solitude is important for INTJs but healthy human beings manage to maintain a balance between what they like and what is good for them.
With the help of your ENFJ partner, create some socializing goals.
Whether it’s to make two new friends over the next 12 months, or to meet once a week with a group of some sort, your ENFJ partner will love to get involved and help make this important improvement in your life.
This feature could be one of the most redeeming and rewarding aspects of your INTJ ENFJ relationship.
4) Give Them Space During An Argument
ENFJs are well-known for approaching an issue in an indirect way.
They will beat around the bush, as it were, driving you crazy as you try to figure out what they are actually trying to get at.
Their ability to circle around an issue will amaze as much as it will exasperate you.
You must cultivate your ability to be patient with your ENFJ partner.
They will take everything you say personally, and your well-meaning effort to get to the point will often be thrown back at you.
Do your best to take a step back and give your ENFJ partner some time to cool off, if the argument becomes too heated, as it invariably will.
You’ll learn that during your INTJ ENFJ relationship, your ENFJ partner will have trouble articulating their feelings and they won’t be transparent with their emotions.
As an INTJ you might take the attitude of treating this relationship phenomenon as an enigma to be solved. Practice and test yourself, seeing how patient you can be.
Remind yourself that this is how you love at times.
5) Be The Monarch Or Be The Jester
We come now to what I believe is the lynchpin of the entire functioning of a healthy INTJ ENFJ relationship.
The reality of this personality pairing is that, as an INTJ, you’re more likely to be in control of your emotions and organized in your life. You lead yourself very well.
It is incumbent upon you to lead in this relationship.
If you choose to take the backseat, you will be at the mercy of the emotional whims of your ENFJ partner.
If he or she loses enough respect for you, they will not look at you the same way again.
Your ENFJ partner needs to have that respect for you if they are going to make any effort to change their behavior and adapt to your needs.
We know already that it is you, the INTJ, doing the lion’s share of adapting already in this relationship.
You must take charge and lead, and do not be afraid of being too firm. It is too dangerous for the viability of your INTJ ENFJ relationship to err on the side of weakness.
What are your thoughts? Are you in a successful and thriving relationship with an ENFJ? Share your comments below.
P.S. I’ve read a lot of books and taken a lot of courses, but the one thing that has helped me the most is the INTJ Starter Kit by Personality Hacker. If you’re an INTJ who is tired of general self-improvement advice and who wants specific, tailor-made suggestions on how to optimize your life, you should check it out.